哈佛大学本科申请文书应该怎么写?哈佛2019级新生优秀文书解析

  本科阶段想要获得美国综合第一的哈佛大学的录取,要在很多方面类拔萃:顶尖的标准考试成绩,近乎完美的在校成绩,彰显综合实力的背景及课外活动已经数不胜数的奖项。除此之外,文书在哈佛大学本科申请中是最能彰显除了成绩之外软实力。

  如何写好自己的美国本科申请文书成了很多学生最纠结最苦恼的事情,不妨看看别人的优秀文书吧!随着2019级新生的入学,哈佛大学的校报The Harvard Crimson(《哈佛深红报》)评选出了10篇新生的优秀文书作品,并附上了相应的评析。

  这些被哈佛大学本科招生办所青睐的文书究竟有哪些闪光点?美国本科申请文书究竟应该怎么去写?相信你看完Emily的文书和《哈佛深红报》的点评之后,会有所启发!

  学生名:Emily

  族裔:宾夕法尼亚州华裔女生

  教育背景:私立高中,毕业班有120人

  GPA: 3.91 / 4.0

  SAT:阅读800,数学780,写作800

  SAT II:数学 level 2、生物M、化学、西班牙语

  课外活动(Activity):校队网球队长、校队游泳队长、模拟审判队长、学生会干事、杜邦医院志愿者

  奖项(Honour):钻石挑战赛特等奖获得者、林肯奖学金论文、全国优秀学生奖学金决赛选手、全国荣誉协会奖学金决赛选手、宾夕法尼亚州州长科学奖学金学校

  已选专业(Major Decided):人类发育与再生生物学

  Personal Statement正文

  Clear, hopeful melodies break the silence of the night.

  Playing a crudely fashioned bamboo pipe, in the midst of sullen inmates—this is how I envision my grandfather. Never giving up hope, he played every evening to replace images of bloodshed with memories of loved ones at home. While my grandfather describes the horrors of his experience in a forced labour camp during the Cultural Revolution, I could only grasp at fragments to comprehend the story of his struggle.

  I floundered in this gulf of cultural disparity.

  As a child, visiting China each summer was a time of happiness, but it was also a time of frustration and alienation. Running up to my grandpa, I racked my brain to recall phrases supposedly ingrained from Saturday morning Chinese classes. Other than my initial greeting of “Ni hao, ye ye!” (“Hello, grandpa”), however, I struggled to form coherent sentences. Unsatisfied, I would scamper away to find his battered bamboo flute, and this time, with my eyes, silently beg him to play.

  Although I struggled to communicate clearly through Chinese, in these moments, no words were necessary. I cherished this connection—a relationship built upon flowing melodies rather than broken phrases. After each impromptu concert, he carefully guided my fingers along the smooth, worn body of the flute, clapping after I successfully played my first tentative note. At the time, however, I was unaware of that through sharing music, we created language of emotion, a language that spanned the gulf of cultural differences. Through these lessons, I discovered an inherent inclination toward music and a drive to understand this universal language of expression.

  Years later, staring at sheets of music in front of me at the end of a long rehearsal, I saw a jumbled mess of black dots. After playing through “An American Elegy” several times, unable to infuse emotion into its reverent melodies that celebrated the lives lost at Columbine, we—the All-State Band—were stopped yet again by our conductor Dr. Nicholson. He directed us to focus solely on the climax of the piece, the Columbine Alma Mater. He urged us to think of home, to think of hope, to think of what it meant to be American, and to fill the measures with these memories. When we played the song again, this time imbued with recollections of times when hope was necessary, “An American Elegy” became more than notes on a page; it evolved into a tapestry woven from the thread of our life stories.

  The night of the concert, in the lyrical harmonies of the climax, I envisioned my grandfather, exhausted after a long day of labor, instilling hope in the hearts of others through his bamboo flute. He played his own “elegy” to celebrate the lives of those who had passed. At home that night, no words were necessary when I played the alma mater for my grandfather through the video call. As I saw him wiping tears, I smiled in relief as I realized through music I could finally express the previously inexpressible. Reminded of warm summer nights, the roles now reversed, I understood the lingual barrier as a blessing in disguise, allowing us to discover our own language.

  Music became a bridge, spanning the gulf between my grandfather and me, and it taught me that communication could extend beyond spoken language. Through our relationship, I learned that to understand someone is not only to hear the words that they say, but also to empathize and feel as they do. With this realization, I search for methods of communication not only through spoken interaction, but also through shared experiences, whether they might involve the creation of music, the heat of competition, or simply laughter and joy, to cultivate stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Through this approach, I strive to become a more empathetic friend, student, and granddaughter as finding a common language has become, for me, a challenge—an invitation—to discover deeper connections.

  哈佛深红报评析:Emily选择了平凡而不是宏伟的事情——和家人的音乐互动。此前因为文化差异的“鸿沟”造成的她和祖父之间的不理解,在她意识到除了语言外还有其他沟通方式的之后就瓦解了。

  开头Emily用“Clear, hopeful melodies”这样的描写引导读者,给读者一副明亮的画面,随着就是她对自己祖父的忧郁的朦胧的想象,将两者放在一起吸引了读者。在招生官看了无数篇关于“我”的文章之后,出现一篇将写作重点放在其他人身上的文章是让招生官感到欣喜的变化。

  作者展示了对写作的非常独特的主张。在某些地方,有诗意的文字可以强化文章的主题:语言不是连接人的唯一方式。不过,在有些情况下,繁琐的语言使句子不流畅,有些尴尬。这篇文章的主旨是只用语言传达思想是不完整的句子,用这么多语言来表述好像是对读者的“背叛”。在雄辩和论证效率中需要找到平衡。

  她在最后几段中传达的顿悟是一个真正成熟的故事,也许是为这篇文章中增加了最后的魅力。看到一个高中生从日常生活中写出自己的理解,证明了他们有深刻的自省能力——这是大学渴望学生身上的一种特质。

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